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If only she knew

she was soft , didn’t like to talk but when she did , her words were remembered … she is the only thing she believes in other than god and if her daddy didn’t leave her she would probably have a little bit more love in her heart to spare … is she wasn’t raped at 8 she would have a little sex to share … if her dreams weren’t corrupted by her thoughts she would have good things to talk about … but instead she is stuck in her mind … an ex of hers , once taught her a lesson , see your mind is a blessing … it can bend , mend , create and differentiate , anything you want it to … you can tell yourself something and if you say it enough your mind will start to believe it …your eyes will start to see it … she was stripped from her innocence , the beauty in her had been beaten out of her by her mother’s hands … she was nothing … well that’s what she thought … she woke up everyday , the exact same routine but as time grew and so did she , so did the compliments and the self esteem … she is 18 now and has hit a wall that she has ran into many times before , so once again she contemplates suicide … she scratches at her arm because that’s what she used to use as a canvas for her bloody art . her arm is feening to be sliced again. The demons start talking “do it ” ” you’ll never be good enough ” … they win once again , the bruises are vivid , red because she is light skin and no they aren’t cuts this time because she could not find a blade but she will do anything to get rid of this pain … she cries . Scratches . Cries . Scratches .. the cycle is repeated for the next 30 minutes and she is finally sane again , this time left with her mind .. it’s blank . The last time she felt this way she was 15 she lost her grandpa .. she cut a hole through her skin to get rid of the internal pain .. which pain that cant never go away … she can’t seem to escape this pain .. she can’t seem to get over this pain . It follows her … what does she do ? Who does she go to ? lately life hasn’t been that pleasing … so she feels like she has nothing to live for …

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